“Another new morning, another alarm snoozed, and another long day ahead. So??? What am I going to do today? Follow another day of same old routine? Do I really have to do this? Is this what I really want? Whey I don’t feel motivation? What the hell am I doing to myself? What the hell am I doing to my life? What’s my purpose? ”
I always thought, or better say I believed that once I make it to college, one day I will wake up to the answers of all these questions. I had believed that post school, in the process of 1 year of formal college education, I would evolve into a more successful, mature and confident person. Then, I will carve my own path of elusive happiness, for which I had craved since like –forever. I believed in it, or that’s what my parents had made me believe. I kept waiting for such a morning epiphany, but it never came.The whole school experience was one of the most stressful periods of my life. Throughout school, I wanted to learn, I wanted to achieve, I wanted to deliver, I wanted to create something. Yet I had nothing, but an ample amount of confusion and depression. My self confidence was shattered and I was lost, more than ever as i could see the faraway distance from my dream of NIFT..! Then the truth slowly and painfully begins to seep into me. I slowly began to realize that no one else was responsible for my life except me. I realized that I had been ignorant to myself. I had falsely assumed that everything was fine and soon everything would become better. I had been lying to myself all these years. I had denied acceptance of my problems.I realized that It was my nature to always ambiguously assume my future.I wanted not to wake up every morning in a self critical mode, surrounded by unanswered questions, to snooze an alarm being scared of another hollow day ahead. I wanted to get up all by myself in the morning, excited about what a new day has to offer. To rise, and to shine with sun, like I used to be in childhood.
Everybody has a dream. For some it is distinctively defined, for some it’s just a vague imagination, but most of us are so stuck in the vicious cycles of insecurities, anxieties and doubts created by others in our mind, that we are way too quick to dismiss it and call it foolish, unrealistic, or too hard to pursue.Our parents, teachers, traditions and society plans a so perfectly comfortable life for us that we feel stupid, scared and unsafe by a mere thought of risking it for a small hope of achieving something more fulfilling.
It took me some time, many sleepless nights and lots of unwilling but necessary introspection. But in the depths of the darkness of my secluded room, I discovered creativity; I absorbed knowledge and I acknowledged a bright source of light within me.